What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
