You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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