eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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