I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
