Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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