If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
