I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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