I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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