Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
