she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
