Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
