I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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