I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize