He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just threw up on my dentist
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
