I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
