I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
