I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
