I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
