Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this will be a night to untag.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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