ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
