I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
