he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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