Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
