i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In America we eat man semen.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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