put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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