dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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