Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
