I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
