Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
