He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
