You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
