Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
