loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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