Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
