brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
