new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
