Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
