remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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