My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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