I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize