playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
