Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
