his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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