weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
