I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
