i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
