And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
