I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
and you fell through a lawn chair
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
