why didn't you poke me back
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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