The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
