we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
