Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
