and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
