the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
