i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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