Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
