how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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