She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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