I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
