youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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