I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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