Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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