Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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