I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
