im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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