I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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