So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
