Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
