so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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