Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
