i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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