Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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