Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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