brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
