I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
