I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
