:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
