he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
