Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
