college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize