It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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