True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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