Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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