Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
