At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
