Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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