It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
