idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
