I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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