My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
