i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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