i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I want is dick and wine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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