In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
