Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
