First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
