Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
