Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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