so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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