i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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