Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I had to cum in my sink.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
