I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
