I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
