i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
