I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
