she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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